Good-bye Mary Lou! We'll Miss You!

Homeless kids across the nation never met Mary Lou Cowlishaw. But they'd love her.

This school-marmish unpretentious woman served as an Illinois State Legislator from Naperville for 20 years. She died yesterday, 6/23/10, after a battle with cancer.

Over 16 years ago Mary Lou led the charge to make sure homeless kids could get an education, bucking the trend to ignore this issue. As a Republican lawmaker in an affluent community where the local district threw up a significant barrier for homeless kids, she didn't need to engage in this controversy, but she did.

A small group of us, including photojournalist Pat Van Doren  who took Charlie's picture (right), developed the concept and campaign behind "Charlie's Bill," which ended up becoming the much-acclaimed IL Education for Homeless Children Act. Mary Lou grabbed the reins and was the relentless sponsor, successfully navigating the bill with a bipartisan team of lead sponsors through a pathetically dysfunctional legislative session back in Spring of 1994.

Mary Lou didn't stop there. I'd get an occasional phone call from her, with her distinctively deep voice commanding my attention. She'd float a story by me, and I'd find myself listening despite the chaos wafting around me, a constant reality of my homeless shelter director duties. At the end of the story she'd leave me with a thought or a challenge.

In the Summer of 1998, my friend called and suggested that newly-elected Congresswoman Judy Biggert (IL, 13-R) should tour Hesed House, where the homeless shelter I directed was located. MLC arranged for me to pick up Mrs. Biggert at Mary Lou's office. After the tour, the flabbergasted legislator asked what she could do. I asked her to include provisions from Charlie's Bill into the eventually to-be-reauthorized McKinney-Vento Education for Homeless Children Act. She did. It's profound. And Mary Lou never got the credit due for this accomplishment.

Another such conversation in 2004, Mary Lou proposed that unaccompanied homeless youth who wanted to go to college needed help removing the FAFSA barriers that kept them from college. She suggested  Congresswoman Judy Biggert as the go-to legislator in DC. I suppose Judy Biggert knew I was coming, and she readily agreed to pick up the mantle, again. And since then she's more than proven her devotion to this issue. Thanks to Mary Lou.

In the past 5 years of my latest venture, HEAR US Inc., my nonprofit national effort to raise awareness about homeless kids, I would make time (not often enough) to pop in on Mary Lou. I was shocked to see her almost hairless after a round of cancer treatment. I didn't know she wrestled with that brutal disease. The last time, this past Spring, her hair was back but her strength wasn't. Her beloved, Wayne, and I sat and the three of us chatted. She encouraged my uphill efforts with her characteristic plainspeak style.

Mary Lou Cowlishaw will be fondly remembered by many people for many reasons. My memories of this amazing woman include a deep sense of gratitude on behalf of millions of homeless kids whose access to education can be directly attributed to my friend and mentor. With soaring homelessness among families and youth we need her now more than ever.

Seems to me it's time to get back to the basics--legislators who believe that government exists to protect and assist the vulnerable. Mary Lou proved it was possible.

Unclear on the Concept

My neighbor--this bird family--recently experienced a violent attack that left 3 hatchlings dead and a mother "homeless," and family-less. The symbolism haunts--and motivates--me....

Over my 25-years working with homeless adults, families and teens, one constant has served as a pebble in my shoe--ivory tower professors who influence our nation's housing policies. Maybe it's my aversion to theory vs. reality, or my disdain of people who seem to lack a reality base to their thinking, I dunno, but here's a recent example:

Dennis Culhane, a prof at the University of Pennsylvania, just penned a report for Massachusetts, "Ending Family Homelessness in Massachusetts: A New Approach for the Emergency Assistance Program." (this is my highlighted copy for ease of perusal). For those of you not following homeless stories from across the nation as I do, major consternation has exploded over the $143 million being expended in MA on emergency assistance (EA), mostly paying for motels for homeless families.

Let me say upfront, motels are often not ideal places for homeless families. There. Dennis and I agree on something. The nay-sayer that I am, I have a few "nays" to offer. I will also comment on another blog I read by Steve Lendman, "Growing Homelessness in America."

Part of me wonders if it's a guy thing. Do most men fail to grasp what's happening to families in America (elsewhere too, but that's someone else's story)? Well, maybe not, because Steve's blog refers to Nan Roman, the head of the National Alliance to End Homelessness, who until lately engaged in a vigorous campaign to deny the existence of homeless families. 

In case you won't read till the end, here's my biggest concern about the MA report. Government, always looking for a quick, less-expensive fix, will pick the less expensive options, especially when it comes to the poor. History of humankind backs me up on this.When have you seen government say, "Gee, these folks need lots of help. Let's do everything possible to help them..."? 

Additionally, Culhane's report seems to miss--let off the hook??--a major government flaw and reality: since state and federal governments have abandoned the responsibility of creating affordable housing (Steve's blog mentions this), at the same time housing costs have shot literally through the roofs, well, homelessness has skyrocketed. Anyone see a connection here? If people are supposed to quickly move through the EA system, where the hell do they move to, the slums they abandoned when things became too  expensive, violent and/or uninhabitable?

So what we have are desperate families, teens, and single adults falling through the abyss of poverty, un/under-employment, unaffordable housing, health care crises, lack of viable treatment options for people with addictions, and on and on...being told to get a life and move on. Assuming the best (not always the case) these families are being pushed by agencies that are already overwhelmed by the tsunami of homeless families and the dearth of resources and viable options.

And what this has created over the years is a huge number of families and individuals who lack the basics--basics that Dennis Culhane, you and I enjoy. Sure, we work for them. But some of those folks now on the other side of the economic tracks do/did work too. They just got screwed by government, corporations, and Lady Luck. You're right--some made poor decisions, but don't we all? And isn't it true that the worse your circumstances, the easier it is to make stupid decisions? Sadly, too many of these families will be hit by the wrecking ball hanging over their heads.

I'm really upset by the tone of Dennis' report, which in my reading seems to coddle MA lawmakers, hoping to at least get something out of them. I seethe at Lendman's reference to the US Conference of Mayors annual drivel on homelessness and hunger too. More money gets spent on creating these reports than helping people in need. And no one seems to pay attention to them unless they need a reference for a blog/report.

My ranting could be endless. But none of us have time for that. Let me leave this golden example of how I fear the system will fail. This story is one I'm following. This family of mom and 5 little boys stands on the edge of disaster. They've been told by distributors of the rapid rehousing funds (HPRP) that they're "not absolutely homeless," therefore not qualifying for housing assistance. Mom owes money in another state for public housing, so she's ineligible for subsidized housing for at least 10 years. 

What I fear will happen is this family will soon be split up--it means the mom loses her kids--sort of like my bird family--with dire consequences (seeing as child welfare/foster care systems are in disarray). Maybe that's the point where my thinking (childless by choice, but I've worked with families all my life) diverges from Culhane and Lendman. Do they not understand how precious family life is? 

If you care, sign my petition to HUD Secretary Donovan and President Obama to urge a change of HUD policy that would help families like Tina's and countless others.

Seems to me we need to rethink our approach to solving homelessness. Let moms and compassionate people set the parameters. Because without heart, we'll have more of the same, draconian policies that will make families' lives even worse. And that makes it worse for all of us, even the clueless. The only ones who benefit are those who get paid to write fancy reports.

Textbook Example: How We Push Families Through the Cracks

Sometimes it's good to take a few deep breaths before posting a blog. Sometimes that won't help. It didn't help to breathe. So I need your help to act.

Back in January I blogged about a woman I met in Las Cruces, NM. Tina, mother of 5 little boys under the age of 7, was moving from 3 nights in a motel into the tiniest of campers (left, actual picture of her camper), at the time without heat, water or electricity. How tiny? How's 13' ? Click this link to read her story.

Forward to the present. As would be expected, dealing with these circumstances has been really hard on her and the kids. She's made some questionable decisions. And she was struggling to do the right thing--but we talked and emailed a few times and she agreed to go to her housing appointment the other day. I asked her to let me know how it went.

GRRR! The housing authority representative evidently pointed out that she owed money from her previous (another state) stint in subsidized housing, so she's ineligible for assistance in LC, even if she paid the money she owes (from when she and her estranged husband were together). And, to make sure public housing doesn't provide a roof over the heads of undeserving scofflaws, she was told she was banned for at least 10 years.

It strikes me as immoral that we punish poor parents (and single individuals) more than we punish, um, people who have destroyed national and global economies. It's not just this one family--but countless desperate parents and kids with no safe options.

Before I continue--and sadly and infuriatingly there's more to this saga--let's get some facts straight. 

• Public housing was created to house people who cannot afford market rate rents or who need assistance for any number of good reasons--disabilities being one. 
• It's federally funded, administered through a local housing authority. 
• They have rules, made and approved by Congress. Few outside the system pay attention to these rule which, in the past 15 or so years, have become, um, punitive. You could even say draconian. Like insisting candidates for PH have good credit, punishing the residents if they have family members that have gone astray, or several other absurdities as described by Aaron Haas, a legal aid attorney in San Antonio. You get the idea....

Right now, thanks to federal stimulus funds, for the first time in what seems like a hundred years, some (OK, a drop in the bucket) money is available to prevent or end homelessness. These funds come through HUD, the freaking Department of HOUSING and Urban Development. A school social worker urged Tina to apply for funds. This is what they found out:

They (keepers of the funds) both stated that HUD's number one rule is that the client has to be absolutely homeless, they cannot have any type of roof over their head. I tried explaining that the trailer is not appropriate for a pregnant mom with six kids but neither would budge.

Important to note, especially for all who have the comfort of climate-controlled environments: This is Las Cruces, New Mexico, where temperatures now run into the 90s during the day, and get down into the 40-50s at night. This sardine can this family's lived in for the past 5 months sometimes has electricity, sometimes not. It's not air conditioned, it has no space for living, and this is not not being considered ABSOLUTELY HOMELESS??? Give me a f***ing break.

Earth to HUD: Homelessness looks like this, and worse, for a horrible number of families. These are the people we should be bailing out with our billions, not those engaged in Wall Street "shenanigans." I could (and have) spew volumes about the history of HUD's fighting to limit the definition of homelessness, but things are supposed to be changing. My a**.

What we have--just looking at this one family--is a (regretfully, for my thinking anyhow) pregnant mother (and please don't start railing about why/how she got PG), 5 little boys under the age of 7 in a city that has no homeless shelter for families, and the long hot summer weather is already moving in. And this family lives in a tin can the size of a car. AND HUD DOESN'T CALL THAT HOMELESS???

Just what do they think is going to happen? I can predict--based on decades of experience:

• The children are going to get taken away from her, split up and farmed out to strangers (my knowledge of this family is that options for family help are quite limited); or,
• Some tragic event will happen, of a scope I don't even want to speculate, prompting all involved to go "Tsk, tsk, what a tragedy. She should have gotten help." or,
• Mom will turn to the first guy that appears to be nice/interested in her. Odds are this is someone with less than altruistic motives. Bad things usually follow, or
• Mom will absolutely lose her tenuous grip, and do something hurtful to the children. 

Before criticizing either my predictions or Tina's situation, think of how you might react in a similar predicament.  Imagine if you can being totally without options, having the last 2 doors slammed in your face--the 2 places you were told should be able to put an end to living in this bucket-of-bolts camper. Add  a heavy dose of insecurity and lack of self-esteem. And top with the reality of looking at your little boys, whom you love dearly, and knowing you cannot make things better. And you'll seemingly never be able to because the only help possible is not available.

If you are the least bit outraged, and if not, get off my blog, then sign this petition and circulate it furiously in whatever way you can. Tina's asked for help. I said I'd do whatever I can. 

Seems to me things can't get worse for desperate families and individuals in our country.  This is my last-ditch gasp to help Tina and her family, and those in similar or worse situations. If we don't draw a line in the oil-coated sand soon, the rest of us will be next.

The 'Old' Days vs. the New Days of Homelessness

I'm a diane-a-saur when it comes to homelessness. I've been around this "field" for a long time--since the mid '80s. My current effort, HEAR US Inc., is a pretty unique little endeavor that's making an impact, but I digress. When I think I've seen it all, I get surprised. Like this week....

One of my favorite journalists, Kathy Millen, did a great piece on our new documentary, "on the edge," an intense look at lives of 7 women who experienced homelessness. Kathy came to one of our screenings, basing her story on what she saw. To no surprise, she did a fantastic job, and this chain of local papers ran the story in different areas.

Kathy forwarded me a message she received from a woman who, with husband and 2 young babies, is homeless. I found myself wanting to go talk with her. Then I discovered they're staying outside NYC. She picked up Kathy's story on the Web, something we didn't have back in the old days. The mom and I have been exchanging emails, and I've been able to give her info about her son's rights to register in school, ala the McKinney-Vento Homeless Education Act.

Facebook also factors into my different world. More than once I'm surprised at who finds me. Yesterday, a woman asked to "friend" me. Her name sounded familiar, from my days of working in Joliet where I got my feet wet in this world of homelessness. I asked, and yup, it was the same family. The girl, 20+ years later, is a mom, studying to be an addictions counselor. Cool! 

Good ol' Facebook, the intrusion into my life I often grumble about, also connected me with a mom with 5 little boys that I met out west. Mom is struggling mightily, not doing as well as she/I'd like, but still trying. Her cell phone's died from lack of money. So she gets on the computer at the library, and I heard from her. A flurry of FB messages between us makes me feel like she's going to get reconnected with the school. A good thing....

And the woman who contacted Kathy, then communicated with me via email, shared her story. I've written my weekly post on Change.org, Poverty in America about her situation. It's scheduled to run Friday. Check out my post from last Friday and share it.

I've heard from a grandmother in Houston who found the HEAR US website as she searched for a way to help her 8-year old granddaughter who had been wrongly kicked out of school. We emailed, talked, and she watched our amazing REACH video that explains the homeless education law. That empowered her to get the little girl back in school the next day. Oh yeah!!

Then we have the HEAR US Compassion Epidemic. Never would I believe that I'd be a regular website editor, changing pages as information changes. I don't do the greatest job keeping up, but you'll always find something of interest on our CE page, as well as the rest of the HEAR US website. 

Seems to me the world of homelessness services and resources needs to do a major upgrade. The same-old-same-old ain't cutting it. Just check the HEAR US "Homelessness in the News" page (that needs some updating). And I know some people are really keeping up with things changing even better than I am--my almost 90-year old Mom will surely comment on my diane-a-saur status. What's older than a dinosaur?!

Homeless Kids...As Ignored as Dead Birds...

Step over. Walk around. Don't look. Forget about. 

Dead birds don't merit much attention except by bird-lovers. That's kinda the same way homeless kids tend to be treated. I'm a homeless-kid-lover. And stepping over, walking around, not looking or forgetting about homeless children in Las Cruces, NM, or elsewhere, is not an option. I've long written about this tragic travesty.

My ire got raised as I read this Las Cruces Bulletin article about the long-vacated Las Cruces family shelter now being converted into a children crisis center. Let me say straight up that I think every community should have a safe place for young (and older) children to go when they are in danger. But...

...the vacant building that for 4 years sat vacant on the campus of the Community of Hope used to house homeless families. My first visit to Las Cruces, a pleasant community of about 80,000 on the south end of New Mexico, had me tethered to their shelter by way of extension cord. I spent time inside, talking with families, interviewing kids for "My Own Four Walls," the now-popular HEAR US series of documentaries (DVD, $40).

Las Cruces has no other family shelter. Families in crisis can go to the Rescue Mission across the street, but it's a tough choice, for too many reasons to discuss in limited space. As a parent of homeless kids, you have to decide if this risk is worth it. And often parents in crisis don't make the best choices. Neither do I. And sometimes we fail to make sure people in crisis have adequate options. Then we're disappointed at their decisions.

When I first met LC Mayor Ken last year, he didn't know that his community's only shelter for families was shuttered. He was pretty upset about not being told. We've talked since then and he seems genuinely concerned. 

Which gets me back to the dead bird analogy. Do we step over, walk around, not look or forget about homeless kids in Las Cruces and across the country? They're not birds, worthy creatures that birds are. These are kids, and parents (some flawed, some not), that seem to get less attention than dead birds.

Seems to me we should put some of our country's misguided passions into something that counts. Making sure families in crisis have a safe place to go, and adequate supports to get them back on their feet, would be a good place to start. With over 1.5 million kids, including hundreds of thousands under the age of 5, we've got our work cut out for us, unless we want to wait and do the human version of scraping these kids off our streets.   

First Step to Help--Learn About Homeless Families

Everywhere I go, after watching our powerful documentary, My Own Four Walls, most people want to know how to help. My suggestion may seem overly simplistic, but it's critical: Learn about homeless families/youth.

How many of us carry our own prejudices? My hand is up. Even today, when I see an obese person, my family's old tapes play--the kind that make cruel remarks about people being fat. My more enlightened (and slightly chunky) self knows people have many reasons for their obesity. Some may be within their power to address, some far beyond it, and most land somewhere in the middle. Even that's an overly simplistic description. 

 

Our country suffers no shortage of issues, valid and distorted, with family and youth homelessness continuing to get the short edge of the stick in media coverage and resources. Poverty and economic hardship are spreading like kudzu (a southern thing, look it up!). The estimated 3 million households predicted to lose their abodes this year will join over 2.5 million from last year. Poverty rates soar as the economy swoons. It's ugly, and it's everywhere.

Families and individuals swirl in the brutal vortex of survival. Nowadays it's far easier to become homeless and much harder to escape this shackled existence. Although solid data doesn't exist, estimates of homeless families and teens shoot upward to 10 million when you count those who lost housing due to hardship who now bounce between family, friends, acquaintances, and no-tell motels.

When I ran a shelter, which I did in Aurora at Hesed House for 13 years and before that in Joliet, I'd never describe the process as "pretty," or even humane. We tried to be hospitable and kind. But reality, and our prejudices, often interfered; and children, teens, women and men ripped raw by their experience of serious trauma often were inadvertently grossly neglected. I'd suspect that is true in just about every shelter. 

For the past 5 years I've traveled 90,000 miles on the backroads of this great nation, living in a modest RV that I've dubbed "Tillie."  I've filmed interviews with some amazing people--courageous children, teens and women who shared what it was like to experience homelessness. "My Own Four Walls" was my first documentary--I filmed it and Northern Illinois University's Professor Laura Vazquez and her talented students worked with me to produce it. Thousands have seen, and have been deeply touched by this 20-minute film.

Four years ago, Laura  invited me to work with her on an ambitious documentary about families' experience of homelessness. With the blessing of HEAR US, my nonprofit organization's board of directors, and generous support from a plethora of supporters I accepted the challenging invitation.

It's been an incredible process, touching me at my core. Seven women ripped off the shrouds of secrecy common to those embarrassed about their stumbles into homelessness. They shared intimate details. They described, comprehensively and painfully, their nomadic lives. They erased stereotypes--the kind swirling about "welfare moms," women who bear "too many" children, drug and alcohol abusers, foster care, domestic violence, the agony of not being able to provide for their families, and the fear of life on the edge, with its ever-present danger of returning to homelessness.

All of that and more is contained in our new documentary, "on the edge."  It's a tough film to watch, but it's the best place to start if you really want to understand the far reaching devastation of homelessness that touches millions in our wealth-distorted nation.

On Wednesday, April 21st, we're holding a preview screening of "on the edge" in Aurora (Annunciation Parish gym, 1840 Church Road, 7:00 p.m.) in conjunction with Mutual Ground. We're asking for free will donations so the economy won't be a barrier.

For my part, I hope families and kids I knew at Hesed House will come. I want to listen to them, to see if this film validates their experiences. I want to offer my apologies for not hearing what they were saying, and for inadequately helping them cope with their traumas. And I want to hear what they have to say.

We all have a lot to learn. Then we need to act upon it. This is my humble effort. Please join me, if you dare.

x

So Glad Obama is Staying Home!

Here I thought my trip to the DC area would be somewhat limited in effectiveness, but I just read that President Obama is sticking around, foregoing his Asian trip, because I'm going to be in the area! Well, that, and perhaps the health care saga....

I hope our time together will include time to watch a movie. I have the perfect one, "on the edge," our latest feature-length documentary about women, and their families -- riveting accounts of their homelessness. Homeless families and teens is not an issue getting much attention by our nation's leaders.

Nothing would make me happier than to sit down with Barack and Michelle, maybe Shaun (HUD), Kathleen (HHS), and ideally House and Senate leadership, and let them hear from 7 courageous women who shared the brutal realities of their homelessness experiences. 

Audiences that have seen our rough cut of this unique film agree--the women tell their stories like no policywonks could. They point to the causes, effects, and danger of return in such a compelling manner that even so-called conservatives call for a huge paradigm shift in how our country approaches this issue. We have much room for improvement.

And, I'd like to point out, it's not just about housing, but that's an essential ingredient. Families, teens, and adults that have experienced homelessness likely have some trauma issues--hurdles to success and independence--much like PTSD. When effects of trauma arise, it can sabotage best efforts to move in the right direction. The on the edge "7" explain this in ways a 6th grader can understand.

Seems to me it's time to sit down in comfy chairs, pop in this DVD and listen. If not, countless kids and adults will be the worse for it. And we only have ourselves to blame. Just make sure someone besides me will work the remote control. That's one thing I'm not too good at!