A Homeless Family's Christmas Tale: From Ogre to Oh My God!

Melissa kept sobbing “Oh my God!” Probably 50 times. 

Then she said the phrase that caused me to cringe. “We don’t have to worry about The Man anymore.”

Spoken by the absolutely desperate mother of a young girl. They, by virtue of desperate poverty and homelessness, were doubled up in a hardscrabble Kansas town. This Mom and her 9-year-old daughter share a small, dark room in return for the mother’s providing in-home health services to the disabled wheelchair-bound, obese and allegedly perverted homeowner, a man whose 2 teens who also live in this menagerie.

I’ve known this mother for over 2 years. I’ve known others who’ve known her longer. So I know her story rings true. She’s allowed me to share it (4-min. video) hoping it would enlighten or embolden other women (and maybe men) in similar situations.   

As with far too many women, she found herself and her 2 daughters bouncing from couch to motel to basement floor and around again after her marriage broke up—shattering both her jaw and self-esteem. She worked the jobs mothers can work when juggling child care, school obligations, and pernicious poverty. Instability was their constant companion. So was violence, sexual abuse, and hopelessness.

The one insurmountable barrier to returning to any kind of normal living was a $2500 debt to the local housing authority. It’s a long story, but trust me when I say this mom found herself doing something most of us would have done, and she was “sentenced”  to 5 years of hard time (homelessness), barred from the only affordable housing in Kansas—subsidized by the federal government via HUD (U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development). 

I kept in contact with her for reasons I cannot explain. Maybe because she was the one mother I interviewed who had no one. I encouraged her when my normally optimistic self was cringing at the hopelessness of her situation. I suggested that she apply for a housing voucher before the new HUD administration takes over. She did, and was told that she’d be eligible (strict guidelines) as long as she was able to pay her arrearage. I personally tried to get them to waive all/part, to no avail.

Through a lot of luck, I was able to find donors to clear her debt. She meets with the housing authority person next week. They evidently have a unit ready for her and her family. 

Families (and individuals) who live in these horrible conditions for so long need time to adjust to having their own place. The trauma they’ve experienced for so long follows them like a vicious tornado cloud ready to tear their fragile lives to shreds. And too often, the earlier experience of homelessness often leads to homelessness as an adult. All is not “happily ever after” yet, and maybe ever.

Imagine yourself as a parent in this situation, what would it mean to have your own place? And try to imagine Melissa’s relief when she realizes, “We don’t have to worry about The Man anymore.”

Be assured—she’s not the only parent in this situation.

Basic Questions for our Presidential Candidates...

Everyone, it seems, is talking politics. I might as well get into the act, perhaps spurring some thoughtful discussion before presidential primary ballots are cast. Any readers with connections to campaigns that could forward these questions, go for it!

Questions from a long-time homelessness activist:

1. What are your thoughts on the current issue of expanding HUD's definition of homelessness, and thereby their mission, to include families and teens on their own?
2. What will your approach be to ensure safe, decent, affordable housing for everyone?
3. What steps would you have the federal government take to avoid a repeat, or continuation, of the subprime debacle?
4. What do you think should be done for families who are in severe financial crisis and at risk of homelessness because of this mess?
5. How would you guide this nation's approach to easing and eradicating homelessness?
6. What has your personal experience been with homelessness--e.g., contact with homeless children/adults, someone you know has experienced homelessness, shelter volunteer, etc.?
7. What is your assessment of this nation's homelessness--causes and solutions?
8. What steps would you take to establish a federal commitment to truly end the nightmare of homelessness?
9. What would you say to homeless adults, children and teens about their predictament and your commitment to ease it?
10. How would you explain the extreme differences between those who have extraordinarily extravagant housing and those who have none?

These are serious questions posed to serious candidates. IHK would love to share space with candidates and to invite homeless adults, teens and children to share their views. Have at it!

Seems to me that it's way past time to figure out basics in this interminable campaign--basics that matter to a growing category of people in cities, towns and rural areas across the nation. Instead of artificial standards that really don't measure the candidates' ability to improve this country, let's use some authentic gauges to enhance quality of life across the land.

Clock is Ticking

"We have till Monday (12/10)," said the dad of the family in a Reno motel. He, his wife and their 6 kids, ages 16 to 3 months, lost their house of 5 years when the landlord didn't do essential repairs and the city inspected, slapping "CONDEMNED" stickers all over the house. They had from 10 a.m. until 4 p.m. that day to vacate.

Critics can stand down--the family is a good family--mom works, dad works when construction work is available, and provides a sweet level of child care when his wife works.

They've looked at over 30 possible rental sites, but nothing has panned out. Needing 2 motel rooms to accomodate the size of the family costs over $400 a week. So far agencies have helped. After 2 weeks, that assistance is poised to end. What little income/savings this family has will make this unaffordable in a short time. Then what?

This is when the affordable housing arguement becomes reality. According to the National Low Income Housing Coalition, Reno's got some affordable housing issues. I'd also suspect that a family with 6 kids runs into some veiled discrimination.

So, as the sounds of Christmas spill forth from casinos and shopping malls, this family is counting down to disaster. They're in a motel. HUD doesn't consider them homeless.

They've been evicted from a condemned house. They can't find another place to live. They don't have enough money to stay in this motel for much longer. They don't have family or friends that can take them in.

Seems to me that HUD officials should walk in their shoes or live under their roof. We'd probably have a different definition of homelessness by Christmas.